Open
by teddylupin-snape
Summary: Sirius, James, and Peter are curious about Remus. Sirius finds some answers.


"It's not like he'd tell us if we asked. He hasn't yet."

"That's a quitter's attitude, Pete." James sits back, thinking for a moment. "You don't think he'd tell people just to clear up the rumors, do you?"

"Fat chance," Sirius mutters, reaching down to retrieve his Potions book from under his bed. "If Remus doesn't want people to know, he's not gonna tell them. More people asking isn't going to change that."

The door shuts. "If I don't want people to know what?"

There was a heavy thud as Sirius fell off his bed and onto the floor, the corner of his textbook digging into his ribs. "Shit." He bounces back up, dusting himself off and rubbing his back. "Remus. Hey."

He looks at each of them in turn, hurt and confusion on his face. "What's going on?" James and Peter both looked at Sirius before looking at each other, then back to Remus.

"Well…" James shifts uncomfortably. "The whole school's sort of talking about you, mate."

Remus presses his lips together. "I've noticed. Usually I can just ignore it, but then again, usually you lot aren't the ones talking about me behind my back. And here I thought you were my friends…"

Peter pipes up. "We _are_ your friends, Remus. We didn't mean to add to the rumors. We just…"

"We're worried about you," Sirius supplied, meeting Remus's eyes. As soon as he did, he regretted it - they became angry, closed-off, hurt.

Remus swallows hard, shaking his head. "So instead of talking to me about it, you figured it'd be better to try to piece together something out of the rumors you've heard? Right. Makes perfect sense." He closes his eyes, sighing, before turning on his heel and leaving the room as suddenly as he'd entered.

Sirius glances over to Peter and James, all sharing incredulous looks. "Remus, wait—" Sirius calls, following after him.

James stops him at the door. "You can sort this out?"

Sirius nods with more confidence than he feels. "I'll let you know what I find out." He leaves, letting the door close behind him.

Remus has made it out through the portrait hole by the time Sirius catches up with him. "Please, Remus."

Remus bites his lip, trying to school his facial expression before turning around to face Sirius. The empty corridor seems to echo out around them. Moonlight shines through the window, dancing across the flagstones. Remus raises an eyebrow, and Sirius shrinks back for a moment, before swallowing and speaking. "I'm sorry. We didn't handle that well. I promise we have good intentions, it's just… Can we talk about this? Have an honest, open conversation?" Sirius loses his confidence in his question as he's asking it, but he's already gotten this far. There's no backing out.

Remus takes a moment, thinking it over. "Suppose this was going to happen sooner or later. Can… can we go somewhere more private, though?"

"'Course."

They cross the corridor, entering an unused classroom and locking the door behind them. It doesn't provide a perfect place to talk, but it'll do.

Remus leans against the professor's desk, Sirius sitting on top of a desk in the front row. "So." Remus seems to be stalling. Sirius expected this and takes the lead. He watches Remus sympathetically, but the other boy's eyes are fixed firmly on his clasped hands. Sirius takes a deep breath.

"Something is going on. You're hurting, somehow. And that's the last thing we want. I don't know if… if it's someone hurting you or some sort of disease or something else," he says quickly, trying to spit out all his thoughts before Remus can tell him how stupid his guesses are. He tries, opening his mouth to speak, but Sirius continues. "I want to help, Remus. And there isn't much I can do if I don't know what's wrong. You're one of my best friends, you can tell me anything."

Remus closes his eyes briefly, the shadow of a smile on his face. "It's not—It's not a matter of whether or not I want to tell you, Sirius. It's so much more complicated than that."

"Then help me understand."

He breathes a skeptical laugh. "There isn't anything you could do, anyway. I'm fine, honestly. This is just something I have to deal with."

"I believe you." Sirius meets his eyes, trying desperately to show Remus how much he cares. "But I believe everybody else, too. I mean, you've got all these scars… At first, I thought maybe you were in an accident but – but they keep appearing, new ones. Whatever it is you're hiding, you're still facing it."

"If I tell you," Remus says slowly, as though he's regretting every word immediately after it leaves his mouth. "You need to _promise_ _me_ that you won't tell a soul. Not even James or Pete. If people are finding out, I want it to be because I told them on my own terms. Alright?"

Sirius gives him an uncertain look. He should have realized that Remus's secrecy wouldn't end now, but it makes it feel so much more important. Remus trusts him. He can't ruin that, he won't. "Alright."

Remus nods slightly, pulling the sleeves of his jumper over his hands. "And," he added in a small voice. "If, after I tell you, you decide that you don't want to be friends anymore, can you still… still keep it between us?"

"I'm not—"

" _Please_ , Sirius. If—if this changes things, I get it, okay? I just…"

"Remus, I'm not going to stop being your friend. Ever, alright? And even if I did, I wouldn't betray your trust. You're too important to me." Sirius watches as Remus's expression shifted from anxious to humbled, a blush creeping up his cheeks. "You can tell me."

He takes a last, deep breath. Remus can't believe he's really about to tell Sirius everything, but when he looks into his eyes, he can't help himself. He's going to have to trust that it'll all work out. "I'm… I'm a werewolf."

Sirius stops his jaw from dropping open. That had been one of his guesses - one that he ignored because it seemed ridiculous - Remus couldn't be a _werewolf_. But here he is, confirming his suspicions. Sirius has to admit that everything seems to fall into place with this new information - it explains his scars, his regular absences and his determination to stay on top of his schoolwork, to avoid disappointing any of his professors. It really isn't a surprise. Remus needs reassurance from him now, welcoming. He can't show any shock. He pushes it out of his mind.

Now that Remus has gotten his secret out, he can't stop himself from explaining everything. His childhood, how he'd been bitten, the years when he was sure he wouldn't be able to go to Hogwarts, the fear in his first few years where he was sure that _someone_ would find out and get him expelled. The more Remus says, the more Sirius's heart aches for his friend.

Sirius clings to every word. He knows how much it means for Remus to open up to him like this. After a while, he has nothing else to say. Sirius is vaguely aware of tears drying on his cheeks that mirror those on Remus's. At some point during their talk, Sirius shifts over to sit next to Remus on the desk. Sirius holds Remus's hand in his own. Remus looks over to him, waiting for a response.

"I'm so sorry, Remus. I had no idea - if I had, I wouldn't have pushed so hard for you to tell me. Not when you weren't ready. I should have trusted you more. Will… will you forgive me?"

Remus's eyebrows disappear beneath his fringe. " _You_ want _me_ to forgive you?" Sirius nods. "I thought it'd be the other way around, after you'd heard all that. You're not… disgusted?"

"Of course not. It's not like you could help it. You're not dangerous or… or terrifying or anything. You're just Remus."

"I'm still dangerous, Sirius. I go away on the full moons for a reason. No one can be near me when I transform. Even still, I'm always a werewolf. That doesn't just… go away, between full moons."

Sirius shakes his head. "That's not the same though. You can't honestly let yourself believe that you're always… always—"

"A monster?" Remus supplies.

"You're not—"

Remus's face is drawn, pensive. He has a wisdom of experience in his eyes, strong enough to match Dumbledore's. "I am. Sometimes, I can't control the wolf as well as I'd like. Sometimes, I can't control it at all. It's always there, it's always a part of me."

"That's… okay, though. Right?" Sirius says slowly, trying to convince himself as much as Remus. "I mean, just because you're a werewolf, that doesn't mean you're any different, really. Just because I know, doesn't make you any different than the Remus I knew this morning, or back in first year. You're still you, Rem, this doesn't change a thing." Remus chuckles at Sirius talking himself in circles, trying to rationalize this. Maybe he does have a point. "So, do you forgive me?" Sirius asks, coming back around, apparently content with everything else.

Remus simply laughed, wrapping an arm around Sirius's shoulder and giving him a half-hug. "Thank you."

"I'll take that as a yes."

 **A/N: Written for Quidditch League (Falcons): Round 8 – Theme: Falling prey to rumors; Prompts: (word) forgive, (song) Be Well – SECHSKIES, (dialogue) "I believe you. But I believe everybody else too."; Fortnightly – Build a Monster 1: Head: "Right. Makes perfect sense."; Auction – Wolfstar; Seasonal – Days of the Year - July 20: Write about Remus Lupin; Shay's Musical Challenge 14: Write about discovering more about someone's past; Gryffindor Challenge – Sirius Black, Impulsive; Writing Club – Character Appreciation 8: (House) Gryffindor; Disney Challenge C6: Write about someone suffering from an unknown disease; Lyric Alley 10: When the sharpest words want to cut me down; Em's Emporium 6: Write a story set in Hogwarts; Lo's Lowdown Q1: "Monsters are real. Ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." – Stephen King; Bex's Bazaar O1: Write about someone realizing that it's okay to be different; Film Festival 54: (word) Hiding; 365 Prompts – 234: (quote) "We are what we believe we are." – CS Lewis; Insane House Challenge – 655: (dialogue) "I'll let you know what I find out."; Dragons and Writing Month: wc 1562**


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